Time to celebrate the red, white and pow-pow-pow

Family Man


 

 

It’s Fourth of July again, and in honor of our free nation, there will be no eating hot dogs in the backyard, no buying fireworks at the fireworks stand and no going to the fireworks show at the park.

Like the good Americans we are, my family is going to eat lasagna, revel in the air-conditioned rooms of our home and watch the fireworks extravaganza over the Statue of Liberty on TV.

PEW-PEW-PEW . . . POPPOP POP!

Or maybe we’ll watch the SyFy Channel’s annual Fourth of July “Twilight Zone” marathon. Nothing is as red, white and blue as Rod Serling ushering us into that middle ground between light and shadow, science and superstition, the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge.

According to a WTOP News article by Kelly Vlahos, Independence Day and the 1960s television hit “The Twilight Zone” have become synonymous in the eyes of the show’s multigenerational fandom. The program, Vlahos said, is a reflection of our nation and people at a crossroads, between a World War and a New Frontier, the conformist 1950s and the counterculture waiting to explode, the comfort of peacetime and the fear of an atomic age.

So as an American, I’m free to counter the culture that tells us we have to have hot dogs, fireworks and apple pie on the Fourth. Well, maybe I’m OK with the apple pie. But I’m 40 years old now, and the signpost up ahead indicates a new frontier for me: Comfort on this Fourth of July.

My 12-year-old son is more interested in conforming. He wants to be outside in the heat grilling hot dogs. He wants to go down to the fireworks stand and get a few hundred of those Old Glory Hallelujah super value packs. He wants to see a fireworks extravaganza.

He was under the spell of his smartphone, looking up nearby fireworks shows and seeking super value packs with the biggest values, all the while telling me that hot dogs were more American than lasagna.

“Off your phone,” I told him. I didn’t need facts to get in my way. “No more screens.”

There would be no more discussion about hot dogs. Have you seen Fourth of July hot-dogeating contests? The contestants dip the dogs (bun and all) in water, and then slide them down their throats four at a time for 20 minutes straight. They devour 300 hot dogs by the end. Those things gross me out now.

There would also be no more discussion about buying fireworks.

“Fireworks are as much as a churro at Disneyland,” I said. “OK, so maybe the churro costs a few hundred dollars more. Regardless, buying fireworks is a waste of money because we can light them all off in less than two minutes, and the neighbors’ fireworks will still overshadow ours because they bought the illegal ones that put even Disneyland’s extravaganza to shame.”

Still, my son was tapped into his phone.

“Off your phone,” I said. “No more screens.”

“Can I at least look up the start time for the city’s fireworks spectacular?” he asked.

“I already told you we’re not doing that either. It’ll be hot out there, the grass makes everyone itchy, those June bugs are always bouncing off our faces, then there’s all those people, and there’s always that huge tree that blocks everyone’s view. We’re gonna watch the fireworks on TV. And that’s that.”

From what my wife told me, I sounded like no fun. But I wasn’t going to let that get in the way of my new frontier: Comfort on this Fourth of July. As I thought about how I’d sit in my chair (feet up or down?) to watch “The Twilight Zone” marathon, the TV turned on to serenade my son.

“Turn off the TV,” I said. “No more screens.”

I couldn’t let my desire for comfort allow my son to be sucked onto yet another screen, even if it would be showing us “The Twilight Zone.” These electronic devices have a way of latching on and draining the life out of kids.

Instead, I gave my son the key of imagination. Beyond the door that he unlocked was the next stop: the fireworks stand.

Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll take these next steps at our own risk. Because they lead to the future. Not a future that might be, but one that will be. In honor of our free nation this Fourth, we will be eating hot dogs in the backyard, we will be buying fireworks at the fireworks stand and we will be going to the fireworks show at the park. Happy Fourth of July to me!

PEW-PEW-PEW . . . PLOP.

Email Michael Picarella at michael.picarella@gmail.com.


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