The third place




 

 

I have a neighbor who heads to the beach when life becomes too stressful.

When the strain of caring for her 95-year-old mother or the demands at work become too much to handle, watching and listening to the waves, feeling the sand under her feet and the warmth of the sun on her face provide a healing experience.

This isn’t surprising: years ago scientists discovered that when we experience “burnout,” such as from an exhausting day at work or caring for a loved one, natural surroundings like parks, green spaces and beaches offer a soothing environment in which to de-stress.

Research now shows that in addition to visiting natural surroundings, “third place” locations, like health clubs, coffee shops, restaurants and senior centers, may also offer some of the same restorative effects.

Sociologist Ray Oldenburg coined the terms “first, second and third place” about 20 years ago. “First place” is home. “Second place” is the workplace. “Third places” are informal meeting places we seek out to nourish our social needs.

Oldenburg defines “ third place” as a close-by location offering free or inexpensive food and drink, where regulars gather and welcome new and old friends.

Dealing with long-term stressful situations like caregiving, extended periods of taxing work or extreme loneliness can create mental fatigue and result in negative emotions, impatience, difficulty focusing and planning, and slower recovery from illness.

Third places have been studied for their healing qualities. They often provide a break from our day-after-day concerns, offering an interesting change of pace, where we can enjoy each other’s company and feel part of a community.

When I think of third places, I can’t help but think of Norm from the popular TV show “Cheers,” walking into the bar and hearing everyone call his name. Even the lyrics from the theme song sound like the description of a third place—“Where everybody knows your name . . . and you’re always glad you came.”

As I go about my daily activities, I notice what might be third place for me.

Most days I wander into Starbucks or Coffee Bean to get my iced tea. As I enter the shop, I really think my blood pressure lowers a bit.

I feel relaxed and forget the time of day. I feel as if I am in someone’s living room. I see animated conversations, people sharing a crossword puzzle, and I often run into neighbors and work mates catching up on goings-on.

I read the postings on the bulletin board encouraging me to join in a charity drive or donate a package of coffee to our troops.

When one of the cashiers knows my name to put on the side of my cup, I feel a real sense of belonging. I refer to the coffee shop as “mine,” only subliminally aware that it’s my third place.

For other T.O. residents, the Goebel Senior Adult Center is their third place.

Visitors exchange news with friends. Quartets of men play cards and women in athletic gear tap dance or do Jazzercise.

About 30 to 40 people gather each day for an inexpensive weekday lunch.

Many of the same faces are there each day, perhaps because for them the center is a place of well-being and belonging that reduces feelings of loneliness, loss, stress or depression.

In our stress-laden world, third places offer a safe harbor to relate, relax and rejuvenate.

Do you have a third place in your life?

Senior Concerns in Thousand Oaks is providing this column. For more information, visit www.seniorconcerns.org, and for comments or questions, email acorn@seniorconcerns.org.


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