The 1, 2, 3 of finding ‘The One’

Single Files


For instance, when I date someone more than two or three times, well-meaning friends often ask me if I think he might be a keeper—in other words, The One

For instance, when I date someone more than two or three times, well-meaning friends often ask me if I think he might be a keeper—in other words, The One

People often ask me where I get the ideas for my column. I have to admit that sometimes it’s a challenge and then, at other times, inspiration flows through me like a river down a mountainside.

I also rely on messages from readers for suggestions and ideas, so please keep those cards and letters (and emails) coming.

I thank one of my dear colleagues for directing me to a recent Los Angeles Times story titled “Stop asking if he’s ‘The One.’”

Although author Katie King addressed a generally younger set of singles, I could relate to many of her points and got a kick out of others.

For instance, when I date someone more than two or three times, well-meaning friends often ask me if I think he might be a keeper—in other words, The One.

King expresses the familiar situation succinctly: “Friends hope each date I go on with someone new will be my ‘last first date’ . . . you know, my soulmate, other half, best friend, partner-in-crime, person who whispers ‘you complete me’ in my ear just after we make sweet, sweet love.”

Happily, however, I am no longer swayed by “Marriage Missionary friends,” as King refers to “those who are well-meaning, married pals who assume all singles must surely be happier if I open my heart and let in ‘The One,’ mainly because that’s what they know best and expect the same for me.”

Personally, I’m more in the “been-there-done-that” category of older singles who, rather than frequenting local bars and clubs to meet eligible matches, tend more toward attending events at the active adult center or relying on friends and family or online dating sites to meet someone special.

Also unlike King, I don’t hear the ticking of any particular biological clock as a motivation to meet The One, unless, of course you count the faint ringing of tinnitus in my ears as a portent that I’m getting older and, therefore, closer to death.

I still, however, have a heck of a lot of adventure, travel, excitement and joie de vivre left in me until then. Enough, in fact, that I’d hate to waste too much time trying to find The One, when two or three fun-loving single friends—whether they’re male or female—will fill the co-adventurer role quite nicely.

So I totally agree with King’s observations: “I actually am happy and living a full and enriching life as a single woman. Is it perfect? Nope. But when I examine the lives of my friends who are married or married with kids, I don’t see perfection there either. Even in the best marriages and relationships I still see stress, resentment, personal sacrifice, unfulfilled expectations.” Although she says she generally feels a lot of pressure from other people in her life, including society at large, to find The One, King also says: “Maybe someday I will meet a man who makes me want to ‘settle down’ and write the last chapter to my dating life. But I don’t have to wake up every morning wishing and praying for it to happen. ”

To me, it’s really a crapshoot where I have better odds of winning a lottery, which, by the way, I am totally open to and more than willing to accept in lieu of finding The One. If I could meet a fun, compatible partner who has his own interests and no need to cling to me and mine, I’d be happy with that. Or even two or three great male friends would fi t the bill.

Either way, I’m just as happy being my own “one,” because at least I know and accept all my quirks and idiosyncrasies. Even my dog seems to be at peace with them. As long as she’s loved, fed and walked, she’s a happy puppy.

As long as I can breathe the fresh air, feel the warm sun on my skin and have fun playing with my friends now and then, I’m a happy single human, too.

Ela Lindsay is a single writer in Ventura County. For comments or suggestions, email eLindsay@theAcorn.com.


 

 

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