Playtime is child’s work





Concerned about your child’s choice of friends, especially if these “friends” exist in your child’s mind? Worried that your 4-yearold is breaking toys, or your 10year-old twins draw identical faces on their dolls? Fear not, say experts, as pretend play really is the hallmark of healthy emotional development.

Child development experts consider an active imagination the domain of emotionally healthy children.

Call it individuation. This term was utilized by pioneer therapists Melanie Klein and Anna Freud, who noticed their young patients projecting their emotions on inanimate objects such as toys and dolls.

You may have noticed for some time that whenever your 6-yearold daughter becomes angry, she yells at her dolls. Is this a sign of aggression? Possibly, but depending on the severity of her frustration level, she’s probably acting out in an age-appropriate manner.

Watch your children carefully. Can they communicate verbally? Do they talk to their toys? What is your child able to accomplish on his own?

Lev Vygotsky, a 20th-century psychologist, coined the term “scaffolding” and proximal development as a way to determine how the child manages individually as opposed to assisted. After watching children of the same age playing with the same toys, he saw that some of them were achieving different levels of understanding.

Since much of what your child learns comes from not only cultural factors but an adult’s assistance, it won’t help the child to focus on him in isolation. Such isolated focus may not reveal the process by which your child acquires new skills or comprehension. Roughly translated this means if your 9-year-old asks you to help dress a doll, that doesn’t mean she’s developmentally delayed.

Groundbreaking research in the field of developmental neuropsychology by Allan Schore, PhD, author of the landmark “Affect Regulation and the Origin of Self,” details the positive impact of early affective communication on the organization of the control system in the infant’s developing brain.

For example, the right brain controls the left side of the body, which controls logic and linear thinking, so if a child enjoys math and numbers, they will be more likely to be more left-brained, which is something to consider when observing your child. A right-brained child may be more emotional.

Not sure how to proceed? Here are some steps to help decipher your child’s play:

+Extreme aggression, in the form of hitting or other forms of violence. This may indicate problems in school, such as bullying or other antisocial behaviors.

+How he plays. Does he invite you to join him? Does she ask you to be part of her tea party? Watching these interactions can reveal inventiveness and ingenuity.

+Does she prefer to play alone? This may be a sign of an introverted child, revealing a tendency toward art and solo sports.

But whatever your children’s preference, remember to treat them like the unique individuals they are, and be there to cultivate their curiosity. You can be your child’s mentor and coach, as well.

Kristina Diener, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist in Calabasas and Woodland Hills who specializes in children, adolescents and teens. E-mail her at kdienerpsyd@pacbell.net or call (310) 281-8484.


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