Online dating Part 2: Few good men

Single Files


 

 

Before we know it, spring will have sprung and the time for summer barbecues and long drives up the coast will soon be here. But don’t despair: If you’re looking for someone special to spend quality moments with by then, there’s still time.

And because I was so thrilled by the response I got from readers about my recent foray back into the world of online dating, I’m calling this piece “part 2” on the subject and will follow up next time with a third in the series.

Also, as I believe it’s important to get feedback from both men and women, I’m featuring responses I received from each. This week’s piece offers super advice from a gentleman’s perspective, and I couldn’t say it any better. So I credit PC of Westlake Village for the following words of wisdom.

He writes: “I’m a mid-60s guy who was very active on Match.com until I met the love of my life. Here’s what I learned over a year of internet dating:

“At this age group, there are way more good women than good men; there are very few gentlemen left in the world—I heard this all the time from the women I dated; most men are very cheap; most men have no idea how to be romantic; and for both men and women, stop talking about your horrible ex. If you’re not past the pain and anguish of your past marriage, you’re not ready for a new relationship.

“I was successful on Match because I figured out a strategy that worked perfectly in finding interesting women to date. These steps work well for women too:

Read the profile carefully. Then look at her photos. Then read the profile again. What is she revealing? What is she not revealing? Am I interested in her? Is there a physical attraction?

If you’re interested, send a message. Not a wink, a real message. Mention one or two specific things in her profile that catch your attention. Ask her a question.

See if you can establish a good exchange back and forth. Does the emailing peter out or does it generate more interest and exchanges? Do you have things in common? Are you having fun with her?

If the emailing is spirited, it’s time for a phone call. As with emailing, the momentum of these calls may fade away or it may increase the interest and attraction. Do at least two calls. If things are good, it’s time to meet.

If I’ve come this far with her, I want to spend some quality time together. I’m attracted to her physically and intellectually and want to know more about her. That means lunch or dinner—not coffee. For me, that means someplace nice. . . . Yes, a little pricy but I want us to enjoy our first date, in a place that’s comfortable and quiet. And, if the date doesn’t go well, at least I had a nice meal.

Walk her back to her car. If you like her, look into her eyes, gently pull her close and kiss her. if you don’t feel a good attraction, shake her hand. Either way, she’ll get the message.

“This plan worked very well for me. I met a lot of wonderful, interesting women, made some great friends and ultimately met the lady I’ll spend the rest of my life with.”

When I thanked PC for his comments, he added a few more: “I understand that grandchildren are important. But if your dating profile goes on and on about them, I’m going to skip you because there’s no room in your life for a romantic partner. Same thing with your dog or cat.

“Update your look. This goes especially for the guys. If you want to date interesting women, lose the ’70s shaggy hair and mustache/beard, especially now that it’s all white. The woman you’re looking for does not want to date Grandpa.

“And get to the gym. Look, none of us look like we did in our 20s but that’s no excuse for being out of shape. If you want to date someone attractive, then do what you can to get yourself in shape.

“On the first date watch how much alcohol they drink. If they have a drinking problem, best to find out early.”

Thanks for all the great advice, PC! And to all others, keep those messages coming!

Ela Lindsay is a single writer in Ventura County. To catch up on her bimonthly columns, visit www.theacornonline.com. For feedback or suggestions, email eLindsay@theAcorn.com.


 

 

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