I don’t wanna hold your baby

Your baby might be real cute, but I don’t wanna hold it. It’s not personal.

When I got a new car, I didn’t ask people if they wanted to drive it. When I got my wife, I didn’t ask people if they wanted to date her. The car and the wife are mine. And your car and your wife are yours.

If a friend asked me to drive his new car, I’d say to him, “No.” What if I crash and destroy the thing? Worse, what if I fall in love with it?

If a fr...