Helping youngsters adapt to travel

Ask Ms. Bonnie


 

 

Question: In the past two years, we haven’t had a lot of chances to travel, and I notice that when we do, my children don’t travel well. They act out, complain and are ungrateful. On a recent flight home, my friend witnessed people bribing their 10-year-old son with $100 so he would stay in his assigned seat. I dread being “that” parent who has an unruly child on the plane, in the car, at someone’s home or hotel room, or in the restaurant during travels. Advice please!

Traveling can offer incredible opportunities for family fun, connection, adventure and unexpected surprises. It helps kids learn about other countries and places and about how to be safe in new surroundings. Yet it can also be quite challenging as a parent.

Traveling with children is a good opportunity to practice the positive parenting strategies I talk about often. Here are a few tips to pave the way for better experiences together:

 

 

Take into account the children’s needs and wants.

It’s vital to consider the ages, personalities and personal needs of your kids before setting out on a trip. If your child naps in the afternoon, try planning the drive or air travel when the child is sleepy. If your child is very active, be sure to bring their favorite car toys or games, and plan breaks to walk around at a park or the airport.

When kids are stuck in a restaurant seat, a car seat or airplane seat, use a novel small toy, snack, music, videos and recorded books to help your child feel less antsy. Comfort items such as books or a pillow will help your child feel a sense of familiarity when in a different environment.

Let kids chat with friends or family by phone or write a letter to pass the time and to feel more connected. If your child is hesitant or afraid of new places, plan to do these activities together so it becomes a family bonding experience of encouragement.

I recall a time my family got trapped in a lightning storm while on vacation that turned from scary to fascinating, just because we experienced it all together.

Leave plenty of time to prepare. Before leaving on your trip, read, research and ask questions. Asking other parents their travel tips is a great way to avoid pitfalls.

We traveled with kids by car for five weeks one summer and other people’s tips made a world of difference.

Travel is a fun time to tell family stories or to make up games together (such as “find the out-of-state license plate”). Since preparing kids is also helpful, have conversations about the upcoming “adventure.”

Use videos and books to get your children excited about their upcoming trip and to educate them about what to expect and what they need to do to stay safe. If you are visiting family, ask them to have your child’s favorite foods on hand.

Set realistic expectations.

Travel disrupts the usual routine and, realistically, there will be aspects of that disruption that will be hard on children. When things don’t go exactly as planned, children will often need to feel that sense of familiarity in other ways.

While some parts of the adventure can be fun for children, other parts may be hard. Children will not always be happy when traveling, and since you will be closer together, you will hear complaints.

A young child may cry or need to walk on an airplane, and although that’s harder to manage, you aren’t the only parent who has dealt with this situation; it’s normal. If you will be going into a different time zone, it’s likely your child may want dinner in the middle of the night, at least until they adjust.

Try to align your expectations with the reality of the challenges associated with travel—you will be happier and calmer for your children, which will help them stay happy and calm.

Traveling with kids allows them to see new people and experience new things. The good news is your kids will learn travel skills over time and will likely learn to enjoy travel as they grow up.

Your positive parenting strategies will make all the difference.

Bonnie Vandenberg is the founding educator of “Ask Ms. Bonnie,” specializing in parenting and positive discipline. She raised two children in the Conejo Valley and has three decades of experience as a certified parent educator. To have your question answered in the Acorn, email bonniefv@yahoo.com.