Dating does not mean mating

Single Files



For readers who have been following my column for a while, you might notice that there’s been a pattern to my dating life. I tend go in spurts.

Sometimes for months at a time I don’t bother dating at all. Then there are times I go out on lots of dates. That means lots of adventures and lots of fun.

The latter also means I will definitely get lots of questions from neighbor-friends in the very close-knit community in which I live.

And to clarify further: When I say I go on lots of dates, they’re always with one gentleman at a time. I have this rule for myself because I want to give everyone— including me— a fair chance to see if there’s a real connection.

Also, I’ve found that if I date more than one person at a time, it’s too hard to keep stories and information clear in my mind.

By the same token, I can usually tell if someone I’m dating is going out with other women at the same time. Those are the ones who will constantly ask me: “Remember when I told you about . . .” then mention something I’d never heard of. Or he might refer to an activity we hadn’t done together and then it’s—aha! He’s caught in the act.

In any case, although it doesn’t happen very often, every once in a while I meet a great guy who I’ve been seeing for some time and I finally invite him over for drinks or dinner.

Plus, if I am even to consider dating someone for any



length of time, he has to pass what I call the “Pooch Test.” If my dog likes someone, then he’s passed another hurdle on the dating path.

Alas, soon after that, rumors tend to spread like wildfire in my tiny community, and suddenly I become besieged with questions and inquiries from interested neighbors: “How’s your boyfriend?” “I heard you have a boyfriend.” “Are you still seeing that guy?”

As I have still not met Mr. Right-For-Me, inevitably the answer has been, “No, I’m not seeing him anymore.” Or, “I don’t have a boyfriend, yet.” But neighbor-friends seem to want to see me with someone.

As a matter of fact, many folks still comment about a gent I was seeing for almost a year several years ago.

“Oh, I still like that cute guy, what’s his name,” a lady said recently. When I reminded her that was over four years ago, I swear she almost fainted.

So I feel the need to remind people that dating does not necessarily mean mating. It’s just one step along a sometimes long and winding road to, hopefully, meeting that right person at the end. And thus a new journey can begin.

In the meantime, I’m having fun, experiencing new adventures and meeting some great men along the way, and I’m certainly enjoying doing all this “research” that I get to share with you.

Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences with me, too. Happy dating!

Ela Lindsay is a single writer in Ventura County. To catch up on her bimonthly columns, visit For comments or suggestions, email

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