A modest proposal





A couple of weeks ago, I read in The Acorn that the city of Calabasas plans to ban Styrofoam packing. As we all know, these are the same folks who banned smoking. It occurred to me that since they apparently have a lot of time on their hands, as well as the resources to do these things, I would like to offer some suggestions that they could do to improve the quality of life for all who live in Calabasas:

+Install guard gates at all freeway off-ramps. We should only let in people who have legitimate business here.

+Make it illegal to break wind within city limits. Which is worse to breathe, this or secondhand smoke? You tell me.

+Establish a wine inspection department to establish minimum wine standards. “Two Buck Chuck” has no place in Calabasas.

+Make compact parking space illegal. We don’t need these. Usually the only cars I see in Calabasas are SUVs or large sedans. Occasionally I’ll see an exotic sports car, but those owners will always opt for the protection of larger parking spaces.

+Lower the speed limit on Calabasas Road around Sagebrush Cantina to 3 mph. We could use even more congestion than was caused when the city reduced the road to one lane in each direction. And at 3 mph, officers could jog up to peoples’ cars and hand them tickets, eliminating the need for expensive squad cars or motorcycles.

+Establish minimum dress codes and fashion police.

+Implement clean car patrols to eliminate dirty cars within city limits.

Should the city successfully implement the above and still have additional time on their hands, I would be happy to submit more suggestions. Howard Rodgers Calabasas


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