From anxiety to action

Parents who have children in high school are already concerned about college; sometimes spending time with other parents adds to the stress. Anxiety is contagious, and it doesn't help when other parents share stories about students with perfect grades and test scores being turned down by every college.

There's also that impulse to compare your child's prospects with those of the kid next door. Hearing that another junior has already completed 300 hours of community service or has been preparing for the SAT since the age of 12 can make anyone feel anxious about her child's future. It's hard not to make comparisons, but what's right for someone else's child may not be right for yours. That doesn't mean your child won't be just as successful and happy as the kid who's loading up on AP courses.

Unstructured time enables students to discover who they are and what they want. Living in a constant state of anxiety about getting everything done isn't healthy, and some of the super-successful high school students burn out and become depressed once they reach college.

Some of those driven students are already suffering. According to a recent article in the Washington Post, the pressure on students to build the perfect resume for college applications has some kids so overscheduled that their health is at risk. Specialists in adolescent medicine are concerned about teenagers complaining of exhaustion, headaches, stomach problems, depression and irritability.

Not every child suffers from over-scheduling. Some kids thrive when they're very busy. But everyone needs a little downtime. Some high schools are addressing the problem by limiting the number of AP classes students can take at one time and not allowing students to use their lunchtime for schoolwork. Parents may need to set limits on activities and let their child know that it's okay not to take every AP class offered at school.

The stress can peak senior year, when it's time for college applications. Remember that there is a college for every student. What matters is making sure your child is admitted to a school where she'll thrive academically, socially and personally. The school that's ideal for your best friend's son might not be a good fit for your child.

The antidote to anxiety is action. While parents should not be completing their children's college applications, they can certainly help with organization. Creating a calendar that shows test dates, as well as deadlines for registration, college application and financial aid form, can help students stay on track through the process.

The conditions that create college admissions stress will continue for a while. Even some schools that are not highly selective are being impacted by the huge numbers of students applying. University of Oregon had a tremendous increase in out-of-state applications this year, and the school had to rent extra housing to accommodate incoming freshmen. When a school is overenrolled, it is usually more conservative in its admission offers the next year.

One way to have a less stressful senior year is by applying to a school that offers rolling admission, which offers a longer application period. Decisions are often made within six to eight weeks. If there are any rolling admission schools on a student's list, it's best to get those applications in early. If a school receives a huge number of applications later in the school year, admission offers may be harder to come by. And having a college acceptance before Thanksgiving goes a long way in making senior year less stressful for the whole family.

Audrey Kahane, MS, MFA, is a private college admissions counselor in West Hills. She can be reached at (818) 704-7545 or audreykahane@earthlink.net.