Culture keepers help keep parents in line at the local youth baseball games

FOR LOVE OF THE GAME- Overly anxious fans are reminded to keep their cool while the kids are playing. I am a culture keeper for the Agoura Pony Baseball Diamondbacks team. I have been charged with reminding parents to relax and enjoy the game and not be so hard on their 9 and 10yearold kids when they flub a fly ball or swing the baseball bat like a nine-iron.

Parents aren't only tough on their own tykes. Some moms and dads (and grandparents) of little leaguers have apparently taken their passion for the game to the point of fanaticism, cursing teenage umpires and booing children from opposing teams when they hit a home run.

It's not just the nasty comments from spectators that have Pony Baseball and other local leagues worried. There have been fights in which people have actually been hurt.

The Positive Coaching Alliance, which started the culture keeper program at Stanford University, hopes to change the poor behavior of parents, coaches and kids. Agoura Pony Baseball now requires all coaches to attend a workshop on positive coaching strategies, and one parent from each team must attend the twohour seminar and spread the word on what youth sports are really about.

POSITIVELY FUN- Mark Smith, Agoura Pony Baseball's Mustang League national division director and head of the Positive Coaching Alliance, joins Jeaney Garcia, Positive Coaching Alliance representative, at a "culture keeper" parent meeting recently. Supposed to be fun

The movement to focus on character and sportsmanship rather than winning at all costs was introduced to APB in 2006. At the Feb. 28 workshop, Gene Spies, the league's vice president of baseball operations, introduced the concept of positive coaching- and how to be a constructive sports nut.

"This is youth sports not major league baseball," Spies said. "It's supposed to be fun."

Spies stressed that nobody should expect all the umpire calls to be perfect. He said the Positive Coaching Alliance was formed to help dismantle the mob mentality that has taken over youth sports.

"You're going to lose a game because of bad calls," Spies said. Regardless of how many games are lost, every team gets a shot at the playoff games.

Mark Smith, the Mustang League's national division director and head of the Positive Coaching Alliance, said prior to implementing the program he routinely received many complaints about parents and coaches. Two lawsuits were filed against the league by parents because their child wasn't chosen to participate on an all-star team. Another parent reportedly asked to have his child moved to another team because the coach didn't stress winning.

Jeaney Garcia, director of athletics for the Brentwood School and a coach for the Positive Coaching Alliance, conducted the workshop in an upbeat, motivational style. She told parents to "celebrate the fact that our kids are in sports."

Winning isn't everything

Culture keepers were asked to rank why their children are playing baseball. Selections included learning teamwork, having fun, learning life lessons or earning a college scholarship. Winning, physical fitness, making friends and becoming a better athlete were also on the list.

"Winning is important," Garcia said, but added that being competitive doesn't mean losing perspective on why a child is playing baseball.

Sample scenarios were presented to parents. In one example, a player was given a chance to make the winning shot in basketball, but missed. Garcia asked parents how they would respond to their child. One parent said he would ask his son what he learned, while another parent said he would tell his son that even professionals make mistakes. Another said she would focus on the excitement of the game rather than the mistake that was made.

"Adults are the ones that carry it with them," Garcia said. She said when coaches draft children the deciding factor is often whether or not the parents are easy to deal with.

Garcia suggested that every family create a "mistake ritual."

"Let your child look at you and know that the mistake is okay," Garcia said. One technique that seems to be effective is to tell players to "flush" their mistakes away. A simple arm movement can get the message across, she said.

"If a kid knows it's okay to make a mistake then they're not afraid," Garcia said.

Targeted cheering was also suggested by Garcia. She said players should be cheered for their effort not just for the outcome.

Redefining the word "winner" can be remembered with the acronym ELM, Garcia said. E stands for effort, L for learning and M for "mistakes are okay." Parents will have many opportunities to fill their child's "emotional tank" through praise, nonverbal communication and through listening to their child.

Children are often embarrassed by their parents' behavior at the game, Garcia said. She said procedures to lodge complaints about coaches and umpires are in place with the league.

Garcia said talent in sports develops at different ages.

"Talent is not obvious at an early age," she said. If you have a superstar baseball player at the age of 6, a parent might have the tendency to work the child harder to develop the talent. The child may then lose the desire to play at all.

Some parents act like drill sergeants because they hope to send their kid to college on an athletic scholarship, Garcia said. Seventyfive percent of all players drop out of a sports by the age of 13 because of "burnout, she said.

Culture keepers were taught how to be a "secondgoal parent." When players and coaches can focus on the game, parents can focus on giving their child unconditional love and support regardless of their performance on the field.

Coaching the coaches

Garcia suggested parents recognize a coach's commitment to the team and allow the coach to do his or her job. Garcia said it's not okay for parents to put the athlete in the middle of a disagreement. Coaching from the sidelines is discouraged.

"In youth sports, it is fine to be competitive and have the desire to win, but it is necessary to always remember to honor the game with proper conduct and to make it a positive experience for the players," said Glenn Davis, coach of the Pony Baseball Diamondbacks. "You should always encourage your players to give forth their best effort and to play hard. It's important to stress the positive attributes of sportsmanship, teamwork and striving to do your best."

Smith said 10 coaches were released from the league last year for poor behavior. Coaches are rated twice by parents and players during the 10week play period. If a coach receives negative feedback, league directors will meet with the coach.

If a culture keeper witnesses unruly or negative behavior by a coach, Smith suggested speaking to the coach away from parents and children.

Next year, all Pony Baseball parents will be required to attend a Positive Coaching Alliance workshop.

I found it to be a worthwhile experience that helped put the game into its proper perspective.