Author says sparks still fly at 60-plus
By Joann Groff joann@theacorn.com

BILL SPARKES/Acorn Newspapers SEXY LADY- Done-everything woman Cissy Wechter addresses a capacity-crowd about her life and new book, "Sex & the 60s: How to Survive as a Senior Woman in Today's Dating World," at the Calabasas Library last Wednesday.

After 44 years of marriage, Cissy Wechter found herself somewhere she never thought she'd be again- in the dating world.

When her husband died, Wechter felt certain she'd be content alone. But a couple years later, in her early 60s, she decided to dive back in.

"After two years of adamantly declaring I'd never even want to have a cup of coffee with another man, I didn't need a man in my life, I was enjoying the selfish benefits of not having to answer to anyone or adjust my schedule, I chanced to meet someone," Wechter writes in her new book, "Sex and the 60s."

This first meeting, and many other dates with many other men, gave her the idea to pen a book about her experiences with Internet dating in her 60s. Wechter, who lives in Calabasas, searched for men on dating websites, exchanged e-mails and talked online with potential suitors, and has met many.

HOT- Wechter's book assures women pleasure needn't end at 60.

"As I was going through these experiences," said Wechter, now 68, "I saw how I could help other women. I did a lot of research, and none of the books out here were similar. I realized there was no real guide for this experience."

Wechter documents anecdotes, advice and statistics about dating later in life. The appendix included in the back of her book can be one of the most helpful sections, according to the author. It includes every dating site Wechter used and offers stats like prices, features and capabilities of the sites.

"There's a lot of practical information in the book as well, as far as help with writing your profile or deciding what photos to use," Wechter said.

"I stress honesty in those things, not just about your age but about who you are. No one wants to see that look of dismay when the person you're meeting sees you're not what you said you were.

"You're leaving yourself open for an unhappy meeting if you're not honest."

Wechter uses examples such as using an outdated photograph or inaccurate body or personality descriptions. Dedicated to helping others, Wechter will edit women's profiles and assist them in picking which photos to use. Her e-mail address is in the book.

"A lot of women actually stay in touch with me and let me know how it's going," Wechter said.

With more than 300 pages of stories and research, Wechter said it comes down to sending an inspirational message.

"A lot of it is encouragement," Wechter said. "I've really inspired a lot of women to get back into the dating world. So many people, men and women, tell me they go on dating sites and have three bad dates and quit. We talk about how much determination it takes. It's like getting a degree, an education. If you get three bad assignments, you're not going to drop out of school."

In the second-to-last chapter of her book, "Fairy Tales Can Come True," Wechter tells the story of meeting her current mate. Wechter has spent the last three and a half years with her boyfriend, a man more than 20 years her junior.

"I started out looking for men my own age, but they don't want someone my age," Wechter said. "They want someone younger. A lot of younger men gravitate toward older woman."

Wechter's late husband was one year older than her. In both relationships, Wechter said she's felt youthful and outgoing.

"People often think if you're with someone younger, it makes you feel younger, while some people say it makes you feel older," Wechter said. "I feel young with his man, and I felt young with my husband. It's not age; it's how the (relationship) makes you feel."

But the most important chapter, she said, is the last. "Happy Endings" stresses the many roads to take to find happiness.

"It's called 'Happy Endings'- plural- because there isn't only one way," Wechter said. "We can find happiness alone or with someone else."

Born and raised in the Los Angeles area, Wechter earned her bachelor's in English at Cal State Northridge and married at 18.

Wechter opened several successful fashion stores; her most renowned, Flair, became a landmark in Encino. She's also a writer, publishing many songs and one other book, "Vintage Whines," with her son.

Wechter and her husband moved to Calabasas 13 years ago, where she still lives.

"The biggest message is that these may not be best years of our lives, but they're the best ones we have left," Wechter said. "This isn't just dating, it's living. "We can't wait for things to happen; we must make things happen for ourselves."