Attack of the slime
By Leslie Gregory Haukoos leslieh@theacorn.com

Yes, we know. It is every creature's inalienable right to partake of the bounty of God's good earth. We all share this planet, it's true. But I'd like to know who gave so many of them permission to partake of it in my garden?

We're talking snails here, those slow, slimy, persistent little creatures that attack in the cool hours of the night and early morning, sliding their way across the day lilies and bearded iris and- gasp- the freshly planted basil, leaving destruction in their shiny paths.

For as long as I have gardened, I have resented these humble, voracious creatures. Yet even so, I find it hard to do what I need to do to banish them from my little plot of land.

The simplest and most effective method of ridding the garden of the pests is to go out in the late evening or early morning hours and pick them off the plants. One at a time. That's up close and personal, the goo getting on your fingers as you plop them in a bucket.

There for the picking

Though it can be satisfying to reach deep into the folds of an agapanthus plant to find the little guys hiding beneath the long leaves, exposing them like burglars in the night as they bite holes in an otherwise healthy plant, I don't really have the stomach for this clandestine activity. Hunting them can be fun but the problem is what to do with the creatures once they are rooted out and rallied together.

LOOKING FOR EATS- A snail is a type of mollusk that is basically a head with a single foot. Snails love the moist areas of the garden.

I've always felt a little squeamish about the next step- destroying the little beasts. Have you ever had a bucket of snails, a mound of them piled on top of each other as a few brave ones slowly, steadily climb the inside wall of the pail making their way out? How can you smash someone who is working so hard for his freedom?

For those gardeners who have less trouble connecting with their inner beast, it is recommended that you either crush the snails or drown them in soapy water. The carcasses can be buried in the garden, returning some nutrients to the soil.

If you have the nerve to follow this tactic, it's important to hunt the creatures down daily until they are hard to find. Then check the same plants about once a week for the odd-man-out resistance fighter. Check the cool moist spots in particular.

There are still other methods which avoid the use of nasty chemical killers. Some garden sources recommend using copper barrier tape around tree trunks, covering seedlings with a small cage or protecting vegetables with horticultural fabric. Though these methods work, they are going to kill some of the garden's beauty. And where are we supposing these rejected snails will slither once they are banished from their favorite dining spots? Directly to the ACLU, I would wager.

Even more radical, you can import a crew of mercenaries- such as the carnivorous decollate snail- to wage war on your enemy, bringing the common brown garden snail population to manageable, insignificant levels. I'm a bit wary of introducing foreign killers into my space, but I understand that other natural predators, such as many common ground beetles, will help to keep the snail population under control. A time or two, I did release ladybugs into my rose garden to nibble on aphids. That was kind of fun, but most of the ladies left me for greener pastures within a day or two.

In my early days of gardening I tried the infamous "drown them in beer" technique to control the snail population. From my experience it does work to place shallow containers of beer in the garden for the poor slobs to drink and drown in. Besides the fact that I found myself sipping the beer before I poured it out, something about that method just didn't seem ethical- serving alcohol without a license and all that.

Maybe I should have looked at it from a different point of view. After all, I was giving them a nice final meal before their inevitable demise.

There are nontoxic commercial products that are worth trying. I've been told that Sluggo (an iron phosphate product) works, with the added benefit that any uneaten bait serves as fertilizer. And Slug Stop (a coconut oil soap) may also be effective.

I tried placing a ring of salt around my vegetable bed after the uninvited diners devoured my just-planted Japanese eggplant and my baby basil. But the first time the sprinklers turned on all the salt disappeared, so that didn't prove to be much of a solution either, and I imagine introducing too much salt into the soil will disturb its natural chemistry. Beware of some of the other barriertype remedies such as diatomaceous earth, lime or ashes. These may also alter the soil chemistry.

That leaves me with the old snailtoss technique, that is sending the little slimeballs soaring through the air into the dry open space beyond my garden wall. A one-way ticket to nowhere. That works to at least frustrate their efforts for a great meal of day lilies and eggplant and gives my pitching arm a workout.

At the end of the day I suppose there is something to be said about sharing our space on the planet with all of God's creatures- even the humble brown garden snail- as long as they stay clear of my basil plants.