Men's book offers 'nutty' solutions

What are N.U.T.s?

According to author Wayne Levine, they are the nonnegotiable, unalterable terms that a man uses to define his relationship with others.

Levine's newest book, "Hold On To Your N.U.T.s: The Relationship Manual For Men," helps men identify what is deeply important to them and helps them make clear declarations of what they like, the principles they live by and the situations they feel obligated to support. Without N.U.T.S., men will continue to struggle in their daily lives, Levine says.

As the founding director of the Agoura Hills-based West Coast Men's Center and BetterMen.org, Levine has talked to numerous men about their lives and sees firsthand where today's man is challenged by work, sex, money, marriage, family and all the issues that can nourish them or weigh them down.

"Men need help and it's often not found in counseling or in talking to a woman," Levine said. "Men need men- and not just to talk sports, go drinking or to shoot pool with."

Levine's own feelings stem from early childhood.

Wayne Levine

"For me, while growing up, dad was often working and not available to me. He then died a t a young age from cancer, and I was raised to live a disconnected life, stuffing my feelings and running away."

Levine finally sought help for his depression and anxiety as a young adult, but he felt there had to be a better way than psychiatry and drugs. From his struggles in coming to terms with his own manhood issues, he developed retreats and mentoring programs for men, and out of that, he published a book.

In his new book, Levine discusses why men:

+Feel isolated and alone when in fact they have a lot in common.

+ Can s t i l l be unhappy though wildly successful.

+Live in a woman's world and how that can change.

+Shouldn't argue with their wives.

+Actually fear the women in their lives.

"Becoming a better man, husband and father is an honorable pursuit and one that is crucial for the health of our families, communities and society," Levine said.

"In any situation or relationship, when confronted with a challenging decision, we must ask: If I was the man I wanted t o be right now, what would I do?"

Some of the relationship tools Levine offers include:

+ How t o express- but not defend- your feelings.

+Ways to cooperate with others without compromising your N.U.T.s.

+ Why men can and must run the sex and romance in a relationship.

+ How to listen to- and support- your wife.

+How to silence the little boy within every man.

"It wasn't until I accepted the wisdom of other men that I began to be a better father and husband," he said. "It wasn't until I made the commitment to break through my personal barriers that I

learned to trust my gut

and be the man I always wanted to be."

Levine's central message to men is about the necessity of having other men in their lives so they get the support they need when making life changes.

He believes many of the problems facing men can be solved by letting go of old habits and looking at individual behavior more objectively.

"Many men struggle with their relationships, careers, finances, finding themselves f a l l i n g s h o r t o f expectations," Levine said. "Even those who seemingly have it all are actually depressed, anxious, angry or absent. Unfortunately, help is not found in couples counseling because men must first do work on themselves."

Levine has two children and has been married to his first and only wife for more than 20 years. He lives in Oak Park.

"Hold On to Your N.U.T.s: The Relationship Manual for Men" i s available from Greenleaf Book Group.

Wayne Levine will have a book signing at 7 p.m. on Fri., April 6 at the Thousand Oaks Borders Bookstore.