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I'm a little curious as to why we teach our kids certain things. For example, why do we tell our children that a cow can jump over the moon?

My 4-year-old son, who's very aware of the cowjumping imagery, has had several nightmares of a bovine creature coming into his room and terrorizing him. According to my son, "Boooo" isn't nearly as scary as "Moooo."

What's up with that?

I tried to get my son to look at the situation logically. I told him that a cow couldn't even get past the front gate in our yard let alone into our house. While pointing at his night light depicting a cow jumping over a moon, my son said, "Well, if a cow can jump over the moon, then why can't he just jump over the gate?"

Now what do you say to that?

So I told my son that even if a cow could get over the gate, he wouldn't be able to open the front door of the house. The boy replied, "Cows can break through the windows." And my son would know. He said he saw a cow knock over a whole wall in a TV program he watched over at a friend's house. And since the boy saw it on TV, then it's got to be real, right?

I'm slowly beginning to see why some people say, "Kill your television." I would never take a stance so extreme, but I have to say that I'm a little frustrated with children's programming on TV.

One particular TV show for kids has the main character, when turning in for the night, lying back in his favorite lounge chair in front of the TV and nodding off. What's up with that? After seeing that show, my son no longer wants to sleep in his bed at night. He wants to sit on the couch in front of the TV and nod off.

Here's another example of children's TV that really makes me mad. My wife and I have been working very hard to get our son to lose the baby talk and speak properly. Then this TV show comes along where one of the characters delivers dialogue in baby talk. "This is a see-wee-ous matter. . . . Hode on to the wope." Now how are children going to learn to speak correctly if TV is teaching them improper English?

I don't just have concerns with TV. I have concerns with books, too.

There's a book my son likes to have read to him each night. In one scene, the main character has to walk under a tree filled with dangling snakes. The character tells readers that he must bend his back and walk under the snakes.

Really?

I used to work at Costco as a stocker years ago and the first thing every stocker learns is: "Never bend your back! Use your knees or you'll wreck your back." So why is the author of this book telling my kid to bend his back? Is the author a chiropractor by day, hoping for future job security by getting kids to wreck their backs while they're young?

Or how about the nursery rhymes we pass down to our kids? Let's take a good look at the wellknown nursery rhyme "RockABye Baby." What's up with "The cradle will fall" and "Down will come baby?" Try explaining that stuff to your kid. That's a lengthy conversation in my house. My son wants to know why I'm singing about a baby falling down. And you want to know what? I want to know why I'm singing about it, too.

I hate to complain so much, but while I'm at it I'd like to explain my issue with the whole "Santa comes down the chimney" thing. Everyone- including me- has told my son that Santa comes down the chimney on Christmas Eve. So now Santa must come down the chimney in our house or, according to my son, the man's a fake. If Santa continues to pop out of the fireplace each Christmas, eventually the people who clean and repair Santa's suit aren't going to be able to completely remove the soot, and the jacket and pants are going to look like one big stitch job from all the rips.

Now I must wrap up my rant. I have to explain to my son why the neighbor kid gets to ride on his daddy's lap while pulling the car into the garage, and why my son can't do the same. Parenting . . . What's up with that?

E-mail Michael Picarella at pic@nappic.com.