Calabasas boy overcomes serious disabilities to become a bar mitzva

MICHAEL KAPLAN/Special to The Acorn COMING OF AGE- Brandon Kaplan, who does not speak or write, let his parents know of his strong desire to become a bar mitzvah. A 13-year-old boyhaving a bar mitzvah is not uncommon, but one Calabasas boy has surprised many with his announcement.

Brandon Kaplan, a member of Congregation Or Ami in Calabasas, is a severely disabled child who cannot speak or write.

But that certainly hasn't stopped him from preparing for the day he's been looking forward to for many years, according to his mother Dina Kaplan.

"Since we joined the temple about six or seven years ago, Brandon has been very interested in everything that goes on, wanting to go to services all the time and be involved in all the programs he can," Kaplan said. "This is all because he wanted to do this so badly.

"It's pretty much a miracle that he is able to do this, and we are really proud of him."

The Kaplans have been working with their rabbi, Paul Kipnes, as well as Rabbi Rebecca Dubowe from Temple Adat Elohim in Thousand Oaks. Dubowe, who is deaf, has helped Brandon and his family learn how to sign the prayers he would normally recite at the service.

Kipnes also reviewed the ceremony with the Kaplans.

"We created a service that allowed Brandon to shine," Kipnes said. "(We) picked a Torah portion that was meaningful and that he could learn to sign. We chose prayers he either knew or he could learn to sign, and we made those central to his service . . . others we let go. God will hear the prayers of our heart loud and clear."

Cantor Doug Cotler will also play a key role in the service, for he is ready to play Brandon's favorite song in case he loses his focus, Kaplan said.

"Our son loves all of his music, in particular one of his songs- it's called "Standing on the Shoulders,"' Kaplan said.

"It's a song about generations. For some reason, Brandon loves it and listens to it at least 50 times a day."

The Kaplans also programmed a speech, mostly "thank yous," into his electronic talking device. Kaplan said she and her husband, Michael, credit the support they've received from their congregation.

"It's a testament to how wonderful our congregation is, how open they are to students with special needs," Kaplan said.

"This is probably as unique as any bar mitzvah I can imagine. They have really rallied around him and been very, very accepting and supportive."

The reception will be held at Brandon's Village, a universally accessible playground at Calabasas' Gates Canyon Park. The playground was named for Brandon and opened in October 2006.

Shane's Inspiration, a local nonprofit organization, has opened more than 40 similar parks all over the world. Brandon's Village was built after the Friedman Charitable Foundation donated $1 million for construction.

"We are so incredibly proud of this extraordinary accomplishment," said Daryn Friedman, who is also Dina Kaplan's nephew. "It demonstrates clearly that, with the support of family and friends, anything can be accomplished.

"With Brandon's bar mitzvah, the words 'can't do' are thrown out the door. We are very excited to be a part of it."

Kipnes emphasized that no matter what a child's needs are, it's never a question of if a child can have a bar or bat mitzvah- it's when the ceremony will take place.

"There are two values being played out, simultaneously," Kipnes said. "Brandon is a kid like any other kid created in the image of God, worthy of love.

"But Brandon is also a special kid and there is an honor and joy to the congregation that he participates to the fullness of his abilities. So he's normal and special, but here's the secret: so is every other kid."

Congregation Or Ami has programs geared toward helping families with special needs children. One major program involved a coordinator calling all appropriate families to prepare them for the program or find ways to change it to make it work for them, Kipnes said.

Or Ami also has a support group for parents with special needs.

"There is a sense that children with special needs, physically, emotionally, mentally, don't have a place in the synagogue, in the Jewish community," Kipnes said.

"That's just not true, particularly here. We have celebrated b'nai mitzvahs with children with autism, emotional developmental problems, intense dyslexia, Tourette's syndrome- the Torah and Judaism are available for all of them."

Brandon's uncle, Bruce Friedman, is the chairman of the board of the foundation.

"To understand Brandon's feelings, look into his sighted eye and see the depths of his soul," Friedman said. "Therein lays a gentle, loving, charismatic growing man of immense proportion.

"Brandon possesses the ultimate gift- people he loves and people who love him."