Therapist encourages mindfulness to bring balance

A middleaged woman is feeling overwhelmed, anxious, depressed and hopeless- depleted of all of her energy. She explains to her doctor that she's been having these feelings of self-doubt and is desperate to turn back the clock to a time in her 20s and 30s when she knew she was beautiful, thin and revered.

She's tried everything including Pilates, energy healing, life coaching, herbal remedies, hypnotherapy, Reiki, and has visited an array of holistic spas and retreats. Yet she continues to feel chronic emptiness and impending doom, a sickness of the soul.

No doubt the alternative treatments were effective and initially brought her a sense of renewal and energy. But soon her feelings of worthlessness and the despair over her lost youth return. This time she turns to "learning mindfulness" and "acceptance skills."

The mindfulness and acceptance method employs both Western and Zen philosophies. The technique encourages clients to make changes to the behaviors that are keeping them from experiencing a more fulfilling life. Clients learn to become accepting of themselves while being mindful of the present. They're able to see reality without denial. Mindfulness and acceptance skills encourage a woman to honor her present attributes with grace and dignity while, at the same time, attaining skills necessary to redirect other, more destructive messages.

The rush of society Too often we are so busy with our lives, multitasking while rushing to the next appointment, that we get caught up in the "doing" rather than the "being." We forget to stop and take a pause from our daily rituals to live in the present. We are a society that lives in our heads, often focused on judgments and obsessions about ourselves and others. We focus on what we think life should be like, how much money we should have, what type of job we should hold, what type of car we should be driving and where we should be living. These endless judgments and longings keep us stuck in a continuous cycle of neediness and insecurity.

Our desires can take over our entire existence as we focus on how we want things to be, leaving very little energy for accepting things as they are. True freedom can only exist when we take that sacred pause and experience the "here and now." It is only then that true insight can blossom and flourish.

A different path

Psychotherapy that incorporates mindfulness and acceptance practices can help us identify those thought patterns and obsessions that leave us judging ourselves and others and wanting more when enough is never enough.

By not dealing with our inner pain we may engage in destructive behaviors such as binge eating, overspending, substance abuse, sexual addiction, gambling or entering into unhealthy relationships. These behaviors complement the cycle of self-loathing and self-judgment that creates a life filled with the same misery we were initially trying to avoid.

Learning mindfulness can be as formal as practicing meditation techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery or diaphragmatic breathing. It can be as informal as learning how to slow down from a hurried day by using conscious breathing techniques and mindfully experiencing the joy of just being present. These skills teach us how to live in the here and now.

Learning mindfulness teaches us that we can feel centered anytime and anywhere. And when we are in balance, we tend to be less reactive or impulsive, which allows us to make more skillful and effective decisions in our daily lives.

Help is nearby

When we become aware of our pain and old wounds it is not uncommon for insecurities and feelings of grief, fear and guilt to arise. This is when a trained psychotherapist can help by providing us with support, validation and acknowledgment. We learn new ways to cope and develop a keen awareness of alternate perspectives and new ways to respond to our feelings. Although mindfulness skills are born out of a spiritual realm, it has become popular in psychotherapy practices because it works.

Clients who regularly practice mindfulness skills are better able to regulate their emotional states, prevent relapses and become more equipped to tolerate stress and solve the problems of daily life.

Sherry Gaba, LCSW, is a psychotherapist who works extensively with clients coping with substance abuse, eating disorders, divorce, coparenting and single-parenting issues. Her strategy incorporates mindfulness skills and life coaching skills. She maintains offices in Calabasas and Westlake. Call (818)756-3338.