Preventing tantrums during Santa’s season

With the holidays upon us, many of us have images of fancy packages, tasty treats and happy, smiling children. However, as parents we may also have images of overstressed kids, toy store tantrums and stressful family functions. For most of us, the holidays are a mixed bag, filled with good and bad.

The good news is that there are ways to help children cope better with the holidays. Knowing ahead of time what the possible pitfalls may be is the key to avoiding them. Below are some ideas for ways to minimize holiday stress with your kids.

•Realistic expectations: Telling your kids ahead of time what to expect can go a long way. Letting them know what events you will be attending, who will be there and what the event will be like is a great way to prepare them. It can also help you think ahead: “Will my child be bored? Should I bring some toys from home just in case?”

Another way to cut down on the rushed feeling of the season is to evaluate which events you really want to attend. It is often helpful to give yourself permission to let go of some of those feelings of obligation and minimize the number of events you will be attending.

•Toys, toys, toys: Kids are constantly bombarded with the same message as the rest of us: “more is better.” It is easy for kids to become overly focused on gifts, and talking with them ahead of time can be helpful. Let them know what they can expect. For example, “Sara may or may not have a gift for you. But remember, you’ll be getting other gifts later.”

Also, this is a great opportunity to remind kids about gratitude. In preparation for the holi

day toy onslaught, help kids clean up their closets and give away toys they no longer use to a charity for kids who may not be getting toys for the holidays.

In addition, practice how to say thank you when receiving a gift, and find easy thank-you notes for kids to fill out. Make sure that thank-you notes are manageable depending on ability level. Writing full sentences might feel really overwhelming; instead they can dictate to you and then sign their name and/or draw a picture.

•Too much of a good thing: The holiday season can be overwhelming for us all. Between the social gatherings, the sugar and the gifts, it is a lot to handle. It is especially important at this time of year to make sure kids get plenty of sleep and plenty of time to engage in their usual activities. Keeping as much of the normal routine as possible in a strange time of year is a good plan. Structure and consistency are more important than ever during such a busy time.

•Remember yourself: Being a parent is demanding all year round, but the holidays can be particularly trying. While we want to relax and have the perfect holiday we see in the movies, it often turns out being more stressful than we’d like. Although kids are often

shielded from some of the stress that affects us (gift shopping, party planning, family issues, etc.), they are very perceptive of how we are feeling. Our stress will inevitably affect our kids and create more stress for them. Finding ways to take good care of yourself will benefit you and your kids.

Samantha Bookman is a marriage and family therapist based in Calabasas.