Revenge of the trophy teen

First it was the Trophy Wife. Now the Perfect Trophy Life includes the Trophy Kid, complete with junior and juniorette's perfect table manners, perfect report card and Vogue-perfect pictures.

Jeanette Harvelle, for one, is hysterical. The Seattle mother rants that her daughter "only got a B" in math. The distraught mother concludes that her daughter must now attend a public school and "take a break" from her heavy academics.

"What will I tell our family, the friends, the neighbors?" Harvelle said. "All our kids gifted."

"We've taken perfection too far," says Paul M. Fleiss, MD. "Are your kids an extension of yourself?"

Today's goal-oriented teens are wreaking havoc on their emotional and physical health, leading registered nurse Wiep DeVries to say, "We don't give them enough time to build their spirits. Our expectations are getting to them."

As a result, teen depression has reached near stratospheric proportions and a reported three million prescriptions for Prozac are being dispensed to adolescents between the ages of 10 and 19. The suicide rates for this age group are at an all time high.

As part of the symptom, children as young as 6 are now bringing home tons of homework that often must be done that very night. Parents complain that they rarely see their kids anymore.

Still, these trophy kids are constantly sought after by prestigious academic institutions. For every applicant who is accepted, "hundreds are rejected, usually due to lower grades," says therapist Dorrin Hadonfield, Ph.D. "Now it's not a matter of how a student gets in, it's if they get out. We provide the rejected applicants with counseling."

You can help

If your child comes home with less than beautiful test scores, accept it. Do not personalize it. Reassure your child you'll love them no matter what. And be sure to maintain your perspective. There's always next time.

Find a tutor. Have your child evaluated for learning differences if you believe that may be an issue.

Remind yourself of the role you play in your child's life. This is your child, not an object, so keep the pressure off.

In addition, accept your children as wonderful individuals and address them in positive ways-and be there for them. You want to create a work of art, not a piece of work.

Kristina Diener, Psy.D. is a clinical psychologist and CAT (Children, Adolescents and Teen) specialist in Calabasas and Woodland Hills. E-mail her at kdienerpsyd@pacbell.net or call (310) 281-8484.