Q: My mother is in a nursing home and I am her only daughter. I travel frequently and need to know what sort of preparations, if any, I should make with the nursing home in case of her death?

A: Asking this question ahead of the time of need is smart on your part. Being your mother’s only daughter (and I presume, therefore, her next of kin) means that you are the “person with authority to act.” Unless your mother has a legal directive contained in her will or trust that directs what she wants done after her death and you are her sole survivor, you are, by law, the person to make all funeral and disposition arrangements and decisions.

All nursing, long-term care and medical facilities appreciate knowing ahead of time what will take place when a patient dies. Most nursing facilities require this information as standard operating procedure at the time the patient is admitted. You should ask to meet with the nursing supervisor or administrator to discuss your wishes with them. To avoid errors or misunderstandings, your wishes or those of your mother should be in writing and in your mother’s file at the nursing facility.

After a death, the nursing facility is primarily concerned with having the decedent transferred out of their facility, usually within a few hours. Unlike medical centers, most nursing facilities do not have a morgue room and are not equipped to hold decedents for an extended period of time. Have the nursing supervisor explain their policy to you.

In particular, the nursing facility will ask that you designate a particular funeral home you want them to call. Some nursing facilities will ask you to sign an “authorization to release” form with the name of the funeral home written on it. This form is retained in the patient’s file. If you are not familiar with a local funeral home, ask the nursing facility for a referral or check with friends who may be familiar with one. In all cases it is good practice to call the funeral home to make sure they can meet your needs before making a final decision.

I also recommend meeting with the funeral home to make some preliminary plans with them. This is especially wise since you are frequently traveling. If you are out of town and unavailable when the death occurs, the funeral home, like the nursing facility, needs to know what you would like done. Making arrangements ahead of time is a standard service offered by all funeral homes and is easily arranged.

Both the funeral home and nursing facility will appreciate knowing your travel plans and schedule. If possible, provide them with your cellphone number, a contact number where you can be reached and even a copy of your itinerary.

When the funeral home is notified of the death by you or the nursing home, they will transfer your mother to the funeral home. They’ll ask you for some basic information required for a legal document called a death certificate. They will discuss whether you want burial or cremation and if a funeral ceremony will be arranged. Additionally, they will provide you with various options as to how your mother’s body can be cared for.

When a death occurs, even one that may be anticipated, normal routines become drastically altered. Advance planning with the nursing facility and funeral home provides you with peace of mind, knowing that your mother will be cared for, especially if you are traveling when the death occurs.

Even though the nursing facility may know which funeral home to call, they may have additional questions for you, such as what you want done with your mother’s personal effects. You should inventory your mother’s personal possessions, especially valuables. Provide the nursing facility with a list and keep one for yourself. You may want to inform the nursing home which items they can keep or give away and which items you would like.

If your mother professes a particular faith, you may want to consider her spiritual-religious needs. The nursing facility can arrange for a clergyperson to visit her, attend to last rites or say prayers. Relatives and friends may also need to be notified. If you are employed, you may need to make special arrangements at work. Travel and business plans may need to be changed. The funeral home is experienced in handling these matters and can help you with most of these details.

When a loved one dies, survivors can be confronted with many decisions to make in a short period of time. Advance planning on your part will relieve a lot of stress and anxiety.

Mike Kubasak is a licensed funeral director and former owner of a funeral home in Southern California. He is a consultant to the industry and lectures throughout North America. He can be reached at (702) 345-3212 or via e-mail at Mkubasak@aol.com.