Final Questions

By Michael Kubasak

"I have not yet experienced the death of a family member or close friend. When it occurs, what do I need to know and what do I need to do?"

Few people have experience in knowing what to do when a death occurs. You may not be able to think clearly, focus, and know what to do first or whom to call. Even an anticipated death can be difficult. Here are some things you need to know and some guidelines to assist you in various circumstances.

If you’ll be involved in making arrangements for burial or cremation, information for the death certificate needs to be gathered. A legal document required by all states, the certificate is recorded with the county office where death occurs. Your funeral director will prepare it and have it signed by the attending physician or coroner. Certified copies of this document, which will be ordered for you, are required for processing a will or trust; transferring bank accounts, securities or property; obtaining insurance proceeds or retirement benefits; and other legal purposes. In general, you’ll be asked for the following information about the decedent for a certificate of death:

•full name, address, Social Security number, and date and place of birth

•occupation and name of current or last employer

•father’s name and birthplace

•mother’s maiden name and birthplace

•service in the Armed Forces

•name, address and relationship of the next of kin and of the informant

•name and address of attending physician

When a death occurs, notify the funeral/cremation provider as soon as possible. He/she will transfer the deceased from the place of death to the provider’s facility. Many people believe that final decisions must be made immediately. This is not true. Once the provider has been notified, you have time to take care of yourself and be supported by other family members and friends.

The funeral/cremation provider is an important resource for you at this time. Ask him/her for suggestions or advice. Take some time. Final arrangements can be made the following day. Set a time to meet with the funeral director and use the time before the meeting to:

•notify family and friends

•gather information for the death certificate

•locate the will or trust; call the attorney or legal advisor who may have assisted the decedent

•gather clothing and personal items for the deceased

•enlist the assistance of a friend to help you make calls and take messages

•make a list of questions for the meeting with the funeral director and others involved.

•notify your clergyperson/spiritual advisor if you are a person of faith

People mistakenly assume that bank accounts will be frozen, that bills must be paid immediately, that Social Security payments will cease, that credit cards will be cancelled and that action on the will or trust must be taken immediately. This is not true. Your attorney, financial advisor and funeral director are your best resources for accurate information and guidance.

Most deaths occur in some type of institution, such as a hospital or a long-term-care facility. Officials there will offer you assistance and direction. When the deceased is under hospice care, notify hospice first. They will remove any medical devices and they’ll help guide you.

When death occurs away from home, don’t panic. Cooperate with people notifying you. Unless otherwise requested, you need not travel to the place where the death occurred. Keep careful written records of all conversations, including names, phone numbers and times. Your local funeral director is experienced in dealing with out-of-town situations and will coordinate and tend to the details on your behalf.

Situations surrounding a death can vary substantially, adding to your uncertainty and stress. Remember that you are not alone. Enlist the help of family and friends, take time to make decisions, and utilize the experience and knowledge of competent, caring professionals.

Kubasak has a lifelong career in funeral service. He formerly owned a funeral home in Burbank and is a licensed funeral director, embalmer and certified crematory operator. Kubasek is a consultant and lectures throughout the country and may be reached by calling (702) 345-3212 or via e-mail at mike@kubasak.com.