Drivin’ in the Rain

It’s been over a week since California’s precipitation has stopped. This is a perfect time to review our driving successes and failures during the two weeks of constant rain.

Failure: a palm tree decided to give up and stretched across the driveway and the top of my daughter’s jeep. Melanie (my daughter, not the jeep) ended up with almost $3,000 worth of damage that really wasn’t visible.

Success: I didn’t hit anything nor did anything hit me.

I did notice that most people drove carefully, moving along like a herd of zebras on the wet pavement. Granted there was the occasional cheetah, but overall I think everyone handled the downpours just fine.

Roy Rogers’s sidekick in the old Republic Pictures movies was Pat Brady who drove his jeep Nellybelle around the Happy Trails on the Double-R Bar ranch.

I don’t think many people name their SUV today. Perhaps, they call them the beast, the guzzler, or the cormorant. I’ll wait a moment while you look that one up.

You do remember the deluge, don’t you? We have very short memories when it comes to inclement weather.

Do you recall Officer Thorn Contretemps warning us to be cautious and drive carefully because there are more accidents when it rains?

Research experts at the University of California in Berkeley came up with some interesting info on fatal and nonfatal accidents in the rain that lend credibility to Officer Contretemps. (What a name. You should look it up.)

It seems that the more it rains, the fewer fatal accidents there are, but the rate of $4,999 fender benders increases. This correlation is precipitated on the length of dry spells between drizzles. The longer it’s been since the last sprinkles, the greater the chance of an accident.

Question: Pray, tell us why?

Answer: Oil, rubber, dirt and other debris accumulate when it’s hot and dry. Thus, the first wet day is treacherous.

Once the buildup has washed away, driving is safer. Plus, people slowly remember that it takes three times the distance to stop when the roadway is damp. It takes the same distance for other drivers, too. Also, people adapt to their windshield wipers slapping left to right (or is it right to left?) and stop following them with their eyes.

Once all these factors are combined, people become better rain drivers.

To capsulize, the more it rains after a dry spell, the less likely you are to be fatalized.

However, the longer it continues to rain, the more likely you are to bump bumpers because the other drivers slow down but not enough to avoid minor accidents, which are those costing under $9,999. (Speaking of bumpers, how fast can you repeat rubber baby buggy bumpers? That’s more fun than repeating ‘It’s going to cost how much?’)

A research recommendation suggested that transportation departments post on electronic road signs a potential accident warning level the same way Frosty the Bear does for fire danger.

There’s a new driving law that states we should turn on our headlights when using our windshield wipers so other drivers can see us. That’s not a bad idea. I know you’ve seen the stupid duck tooling along at 6:15 p.m., changing lanes with no lights on at all and totally clueless why there are no dash lights.

Naturally, this behavior is more dangerous during showers, but even in dry weather, add a cell phone to the mix and odds are this driver will cause an accident.

You call it hydroplaning; I call it aquaplaning. Let’s call it drifting because that’s what really happens. Your front wheels start to ride on a thin layer of water much like water skis and you have no traction.

Question: Quickly, tell me what to do. (That’s not a question.)

Answer: You’re more likely to avoid this predicament if you drive in the center lanes because water runs to either side and doesn’t pool as much. In any case, take your foot off the gas. Don’t touch your brakes. Don’t turn the wheel. Your tires will cut through the water as you slow and grip the road. If the guy on the cell phone with no lights happens to bearS down on you as you change lanes, then all bets are off.

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