"Dawn of the Dead"

"Dawn of the Dead"

Directed by: Anthony Minghella

Starring: Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, Jake Weber and Ty Burrell

Rated: R (for adult language, blood and gore, graphic violence and nudity)

Running time: 98 minutes

Best suited for: hardcore zombie addicts

Least suited for: the living

Acorn Rating:

Don’t get me wrong. I love a flesh-eating zombie as much as the next guy. But when lack of plot, character, substance and continuity get in the way of a really good splatter flick, then all you have left are hungry zombies, all dressed up with nowhere to go. Frankly, what’s the point?

"Dawn of the Dead" is a remake of George Romero’s 1978 sequel to his 1968 cult classic, "Night of the Living Dead." To film and horror buffs, Romero’s original zombie thriller, in which the recently deceased return to life hungering for living flesh, broke new ground in terms of unique, stark terror. Whether or not such cinematic ground necessarily needed to be broken is a matter of personal taste—although audiences seemed ready for the chills. The original "Night of the Living Dead" has spawned dozens—if not hundreds—of apocalyptic us-vs.-them tales of mankind’s remnants battling hideously gruesome creatures (zombies don’t come cute) who want nothing more than the taste of fresh brain matter.

And brain matter should matter—at least to filmmakers. In "Dawn of the Dead" there’s little evidence of intelligent life overseeing the carnage. You know it’s a bad sign when, midway through the film, you realize that you don’t really care which side survives, the undead or the uninteresting.

"Dawn of the Dead" to some extent follows Romero’s original premise: a group of humans are stranded in a deserted, Muzak-drenched shopping mall while the ghouls gather outside. And these zombies, unlike in the original version, can run.

Inside the mall, personal grudges, outright stupidity (if there’s an adorable pet in a zombie film, there’s a good chance someone’s going to chase it smack-dab into trouble) and bad judgments abound. Pretty soon the living are bickering so vehemently amongst themselves that the original peril—those 10,000 zombies clamoring outside for a snack—is all but forgotten.

So certain is director Minghella that you already know the "Living Dead" concept, he doesn’t bother to explain it again. Zombies out there? Don’t know why. But lock your doors! Pretty soon, the shopping mall becomes Zombie Central. Why? Nobody knows. But lock the doors! (Yes, I know it’s supposed to be satire. But it doesn’t come across.) There’s not enough humor to make it a zombie spoof and not enough horror to make it an edge-of-your-seat experience.

And my final complaint—the film violates the "one-last-boo" taboo that screams of a film’s weakness. If you can’t shock an audience during a film, shock ’em when it’s over. Because if you walk out of the film as the credits begin to roll, you’ll see an entirely different ending than if you wait out the last few frames that strobe across the screen in a kind of "Blair Witch" mimicry. The story isn’t done yet, so if you’re expecting happily-ever-after, don’t hang around for the curtain to close. Yeah, maybe I’m giving too much away, but better to know now than to be cheated out of both your 10-spot and 90 minutes of your life.

In a nutshell: This tepid remake isn’t fresh—it’s whiny. It isn’t spooky, it’s dull. If you’re looking for real zombie action, rent Romero’s original 1978 version—it’s scarier, funnier and it is satirical. If you crave fresher meat, check out last year’s nifty "28 Days Later." It’s far superior in terms of originality, character chemistry and tingly horror. It’s everything you want your undead to be.