Men, too, are abuse victims

Lori Porter’s article on domestic violence presented invaluable information for female victims of domestic violence and for those who care about them. Successfully educating the public includes the debunking of commonly held myths.

But there is another myth about domestic violence that was not debunked in the article. If you think women victims underreport incidents of domestic violence, consider how much more unwilling a man is to report abuse at the hands of his female mate. Believe me, it happens quite often. I have heard about it for years in my work with men.

What keeps men from reporting these crimes to authorities? Well, what was your reaction to the paragraph above? Were you a bit incredulous? Did you let out a little laugh in disbelief? Did you wonder what kind of "wimp" would get himself into such a situation? Many of the men who are victims know exactly how you may react. They have those same thoughts about themselves. They are full of shame. The thought of taking their reports to the local police or sheriff’s station, looking an officer in the eye and reporting that his wife cracked a vase over his head, punched him in the face or dug her fingernails into his flesh and drew blood again is enough to keep the men in hiding.

While funds and facilities for women victims are scarce, try finding a shelter for men.

Where do they go for support?

As for sexual and emotional abuse, to believe that only women are victims is another myth. The truth is, there is so much information on the Internet about this subject that it should no longer be acceptable for it to be excluded from any comprehensive piece about domestic violence.

Men are not to blame. Women are not to blame. There is so much pain, confusion, frustration and anger in our idyllic Conejo Valley/Las Virgenes area that everyone is a victim—women, men, and of course, the children.

Help the women and the men to get the support they need to stop the abuse or to remove themselves from violent and abusive relationships. The article’s headline suggests that domestic violence could be occurring right next door. Based on what I have learned, it is happening next door and possibly inside your home as well.

Wayne Levine

Oak Park

Levine is director of the West Coast Men’s Center in Agoura Hills.