If words could Talk
By Bill E. Brock
Checking Out the Library

There’s only 29 years and three months left to go on the new Agoura Hills Library lease with a worrisome total of $29 in lease payments remaining to be paid to the city of Agoura Hills, the library’s benevolent landlord.

It’s been all of nine months (Oct. 27, 2001) since the library opened the doors to its new 17,400 square-foot facility reminiscent of a mountain lodge that could be nestled in the great room of the Ahwanee Hotel in Yosemite.

If things are going to go wrong with something, they generally do so after three months in real time.

That’s why warranties are usually for 90 days.

Even then, you have to save the receipt, original box, the Styrofoam, plastic bags and those little tie-wire things to pack up the pile of untrustworthy junk to send back—at your expense—to the farthermost point in the continental U.S.

At least there’s a law that you don’t have to complete the "warranty card" to get the warranty honored.

All one needs is proof of purchase, photo ID, two bills with current address, one letter of recommendation from a non-relative and verification of graduation from kindergarten.

Since the library’s warranty period has expired, this was the perfect time to see if there are potholes in the parking lot, if a leaky roof dripped on the $11,500 mural (adding an immoderate touch of outdoorsy realism), if the plumbing backed up in the Friends of the Library browsing room, dousing the cozy fireplace, and if the air conditioning system fluctuated between bake and broil.

According to Agoura Hills Assistant City Manager Greg Ramirez, the construction did go smoothly. "We were very fortunate to have had mild weather that helped avoid delays."

That meant the contractor didn’t have the weather as an excuse to work on another project and Greg was on top of the process like cheese on pizza.

My visit found an amazingly unchanged library from the grand opening.

No, there weren’t any potholes in the 123 parking lot spaces but there had been a little tweaking going on here and there.

There was a small leak, not from the roof, but from the water fountain in the children’s area. The hole in the little dike was courageously plugged.

All the plumbing worked exactly as intended. Not one drop of water has escaped.

The Friends of the Library corner nook was safe, along with the impressive selection of best sellers that can be borrowed for only a dollar a week.

Now the HVAC (heating, ventilation, air conditioning) is adjusted periodically to eliminate temperature fluctuations that duplicate the weather changes between Alaska and Mexico.

But as we all know, HVACs have their own cool agenda.

The color printers at the 13 computer centers have been replaced with black and white because of maintenance costs.

As we quickly learn, printers are inexpensive; it’s the price of the color ink cartridges that makes you shake your head in disbelief.

One power outage did leave Diane Haupt stranded in The Book Cellar (a clever name for a successful fundraising concept spearheaded by Haupt on behalf of the Friends of the Library).

Actually located in the library’s cellar (a word with more panache than basement), an extensive selection of donated books is sold for up to a dollar with proceeds benefiting the library.

Library manager Raya Sagi told me, "The much too small book drop bin outside the front door has been replaced with a specially ordered larger receptacle due to the increased volume of materials being checked out."

Yeah, and the fact that everybody was returning books at the last minute. Sometimes the bin was so stuffed that books were falling out on the ground.

It was almost impossible for me to cram my books inside and I sure didn’t want a fine.

A few of the staff work areas have been altered to make them more ergonomically friendly.

Interesting word "ergonomics." It means to study the problems of adjusting to your work environment and adapting work or working conditions to suit us, the workers.

Happy workers work harder and make more stuff (with 90 day warranties) is the theory.

The walk through magnetic sensors at the entrance are occasionally reset to find just the right level of not so user-friendly high-pitched squeals.

I’m sure that each of us could come up with something better than the screeching. Like a pleasant voice saying, "You have unintentionally shoplifted a book. Please do not move or you will be melted down and made into gel pens to be sold by Friends of the Library for less than a dollar."

I stood at attention and asked Friends of the Library President Eric Haupt, a retired navy pilot and captain, if he would change anything.

"The only thing I believe that we would have done differently was to put up some window coverings during construction. It can get very warm but we didn’t want to block the great views."

Our recent heat wave certainly proved him right.

Thirty-one hundred dollars of window coverings was donated by The Friends and are now comfortably in place to reduce the sun’s afternoon glare so everyone can see.

A few children have shown a lack of respect for the hand-painted original nature mural by sitting too close and kicking at it from their miniature chairs.

Probably frustration with not getting the right answer to the question, "How many animals can you spy in the mural?"

Yes, I know––I know the answer––but you’ll just have to frustrate yourself.

Also, there have been a few instances of children writing on the leather chairs with gel pens.

Circumscribed by books, a creative hankering must have spurred the little people awakening an unrestrained yearning to express themselves in writing.

The library staff was thankful it was just a short story.

The End.