Are success and possessions overrated?

Why is it that we grow old too soon and wise too late? "How did we get here so quickly?" I ask myself and, "Are these 30-something kids really ours?"

Actually, they do look familiar, and because they are kind, caring and wonderful, I am convinced they must be ours. I can’t say for sure when everything changed, but at some point in time while my husband and I were making plans for the future, a whole generation of kids began making even bigger plans and the world has never been the same.

Is it possible that the desire to have more, and the pursuit of the "good life," might actually be costing more than the benefits received? What does success really amount to, if in the process of having more, we discover too late that we have lost a part of ourselves? With so many demands and time constraints that young families have to deal with today, something has to give, and often it is the time shared between today’s young parents and their older ones. Many of my generation have unwittingly become casualties of this situation and now find it difficult, because so much love, attention and nurturing was focused on their kids during their growing up years. Ironically, this comes at a time in life when the older parents are more in need of that sharing time but it’s not available because their kids are now juggling careers, the grandkids’ needs and activities, and other demands.

It is far easier to speculate about the solutions than it is to resolve the problems facing young families today who constantly struggle to manage their hectic lives. Yet when I think about our own precious grandkids, I can’t help but wonder if less really isn’t more. Somehow in our hearts and minds it seems that material possessions contribute much less to their happiness and well being than learning how to appreciate the nontangibles that don’t come giftwrapped. Would it not contribute substantially more to their growth and understanding of the world if our materially advantaged grandkids were indulged a little less, while learning to share with those less fortunate a little more?

Perhaps it is me who is out of touch in a world where too many 8-year-old little girls want to look like Britney Spears (how do they reclaim their childhood?). I dearly love our grandkids and would very much like them to understand that their self-esteem comes more from the quality of their caring and compassion for others than the clothes they wear or the abundance of toys they have or the day-to-day indulgences that often lead to feelings of entitlement.

Sometimes a firm "no" is of far greater benefit in the long run because it teaches them a viable way to handle disappointment in the real world.

I question the wisdom of our thinking and the quality of our lives when so much importance is placed on having, rather than being. Is it possible that someday soon we will awaken to realize that nothing lasts forever and those who die with the most toys really win nothing? For if we are willing to question what constitutes real value in our lives, maybe our grandkids will not have to live theirs in the same pressure cooker their parents did. And quite possibly when our kids grow older and become grandparents, they will be able to enjoy what we too often missed: some quality time with their grown kids.

Terry Cohen

Westlake Village