Words
of
Hope

By Dr. Jon Wilson

Sex: Ethics or Morals?

How do we make right choices in a confusing world? How do we as parents and grandparents teach our children and grandchildren to make good moral and ethical choices? Do we simply let our conscience be our guide?

Is our conscience really a good guide to decision-making?

Not really.

According to Romans 2:5, "Our conscience can produce conflicting thoughts that can either accuse or excuse our behavior."

Our conscience alone cannot help us choose between right and wrong. It can only motivate us to do what we already think is right. Our conscience isn’t really a good guide unless it’s correctly instructed, based on the clear unmistakable, unchanging teaching of God and not on society’s ever-changing morality.

"Ethics" and "morals" have become virtually synonymous in popular usage.

Historically these words have distinctly different meanings. "Ethics" in the Greek is the same root word used for a "stable" such as where Jesus was born. It’s a place of stability. An ethic doesn’t change.

"Morality" (in Greek) is the same root word from where we derive the word "movement," which describes the moving, ever-changing behavioral patterns of a given society.

Ethics tell us what to do based on God’s unchanging values in the Bible.

Morals describe what people are currently doing, what’s popular, so it’s ever changing. This creates kind of a statistical morality, i.e., if everyone is doing it, then we should do it.

So, a virgin is a sexual deviant.

Our guideline for behavior must be God’s unchanging ethic, not man’s ever-changing morality.

So what does God say about sex?

Why did God give us the gift of sex?

•To promote unity between a husband and a wife (Ephesians 5:31). Five times in scripture is says "and the two shall become one flesh." Sex is a physical expression of a spiritual truth. It bonds husbands and wives together in a very exclusive way.

•To produce children. The very first commandment that God gave human beings was "be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth." The sad thing for many couples is that this is the only benefit of sex that they have had, perhaps in their life and that is children. There’s really not a whole lot of unity in their lives or a great deal of pleasure. This leads to the next point:

•To provide enjoyment (Proverbs 5:18-19). God wants husbands and wives to enjoy each other and each other’s bodies.

The Bible tells us that one of the key purposes of sex is to provide pleasure or enjoyment (Proverbs 5:18-19).

"Be happy, yes rejoice in your wife. Let her tender embrace satisfy you. Let her love alone fill you with delight." God’s idea for sex in marriage is that it be fulfilling and fantastic. That isn’t a simple suggestion, but a command.

So, since God created us, what are God’s directions for the proper use of the gift of sex? Sex is for a man and a woman who have made a commitment to each other in marriage. Why?

Sex creates a permanent bond (Genesis 2:24). What is God’s standard? God says it’s for married people, in the confines of a total commitment to each other. God wants sex to be a tool for building your marriage, not destroying it.

Be faithful to your own wife and give your love to her alone (Proverbs 5:15).

When we break a permanent bond, we have a permanent wound.

As a pastor, this is one thing that breaks my heart. I’ve talked to hundreds of people over the years of ministry who are emotionally scarred, who are "relationally" scared. They have broken hearts, broken homes and broken bodies. Sometimes they have broken memories, broken confidence, and broken social and family relationships as well.

The Bible says that, A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. The word "cleave" means "glue." Sex is the "super glue" of their relationship. When you try to tear it apart, when you divorce, or when you "break up," part of you is left with them and part of them is left with you.

When we break a permanent bond, we have a permanent wound.

God is not a killjoy who says, "I have something very special for you, but you can’t use it."

No, God says "Here is something very special that is the ultimate communication of love and commitment in a marriage relationship. Follow my permanent ethical guidelines; they are there for your benefit no matter what the world says."

Jon Wilson, Ph.D., lives in Calabasas and is the senior paster of Canoga Park Presbyterian Church at 22103 Vanowen. Hear him speak on Sundays at 9:30 a.m. or contact him via the Internet at Jonwclergy@aol.com. Call the church office for more details at (818) 883-3510.